


Worth the Wait

by little_whittles



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: First Time, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-26 10:40:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2649023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_whittles/pseuds/little_whittles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve feels like an idiot for calling it, "all the way." Didn't someone say once that, if you can't say what it is, you shouldn't be doing it?</p><p>The thing is, they're not doing it.  It's not that Steve doesn't want to, that they hadn't done everything else. Steve tells Bucky they'll do it when Bucky gets home, or when Steve finally gets to the front lines.  </p><p>Steve knows that virginities actually mean jack shit and that it's all a bunch of Puritanical fear mongering. That's not why they haven't. They don't do it because Steve thinks if Bucky doesn't have every single bit of him, he'll be able to survive if Bucky… doesn't come home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worth the Wait

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be... I don't know. I didn't know it was going to get so porny, but hey! Bonus!

Steve feels like an idiot for calling it, "all the way." Didn't someone say once that, if you can't say what it is, you shouldn't be doing it?

The thing is, they're not doing it.  It's not that Steve doesn't want to, that they hadn't done everything else. Steve tells Bucky they'll do it when Bucky gets home, or when Steve finally gets to the front lines.  

Steve knows that virginities actually mean jack shit and that it's all a bunch of Puritanical fear mongering. That's not why they haven't. They don't do it because Steve thinks if Bucky doesn't have every single bit of him, he'll be able to survive if Bucky… doesn't come home.

Bucky doesn't push, even though Steve knows he wants to fuck him. Every time he's jerked Steve off for the last month, he's had his mouth pressed to Steve's ear. Hot breath and whispers of what it'll be like when he's inside him. How good they'll both feel.

Steve wants it so badly that it always makes him come over Bucky's fist, hearing him say those things. He lets Bucky put his finger in him when he's sucking Steve's dick, and it feels so good, Steve shudders and comes down Bucky's throat. Getting fucked is what he thinks about when he jerks off (on the rare occasion Bucky isn't helping).

Steve just tells him that it will make their reunion that much more special. Bucky smiles, but Steve can see the fear behind it. Knows he's thinking, "It's now or never, cuz I might die out there." Steve feels like an ass not just giving in, because what if - no. He can't think about that. It makes him panic, which kicks up the asthma, which worries Bucky.

~

They don't even fool around Bucky's last night in town. Bucky's scored them some "dates" - his way of throwing people off their secret. He knows Bucky's mad that he's gonna try to enlist again, but they'll still have their time alone, after the girls go home. 

They spend it curled together in their bed (because they never used what had been Bucky’s bed anymore. It sits, unmade, on the other end of the room. It has for months), talking about what they would do once they won the war. Careful never to mention the thing they both feared the most.

~

Steve was an idiot to think that saving that one piece of himself from Bucky would actually keep him afloat if Bucky... of course, he doesn't know for sure. Captured or killed, maybe he’s captured. Maybe Bucky's still alive. Maybe, if he can get to the HYDRA base in time, he can pull Bucky out of there, finally be the one saving Bucky's life for a change, like Bucky has done for him a million times.

~ 

Bucky looks at him differently, keeps his distance on the trek back to base. It takes a few days on foot, and everyone's exhausted. Bucky more so, after whatever Zola was doing to him. It makes Steve's blood boil, and he wishes he'd spared a second to chase that bastard, maybe even skin him alive for what he'd done.

He can't tell if Bucky's mad at him, or doesn't trust him, or what. Bucky jokes with him like he does the rest, talks to him in a group, but won't let Steve pull him aside. Won't really touch him.

Maybe it's because Steve is some kind of freak now to Bucky. How could he expect Bucky to want him now, when he's not the same Steve he grew up with?

~

There are perks to traveling as Captain America, the media hero. It means his own private quarters, a real building with walls, a ceiling, a real bed. But Steve thinks maybe he should sleep in a tent now, now that he feels like he's one of the soldiers. 

"You're joking me," Bucky deadpans when he brings it up.

"You can have the room, Buck. It's nice, but I think it would be better for morale-"

"Steven Rogers, this is the first time we get to be alone since Brooklyn, we have a chance to have a real bed, and some privacy, and you wanna sleep in a damn tent?!?" Bucky hisses so no one else will hear.

Steve is dumbfounded; thought Bucky didn't wanna be near him, that he was repulsed by him. "Wait, what?"

"I thought that serum was supposed to help your brain, too, dummy," Bucky teases.

"I thought... you'll barely look at me, you won't even let me touch you-"

"Well, shit Steve. I thought it might be best to keep my distance instead of ripping that fucking atrocious uniform off in front of the guys. But hey, why don't we go ahead and sleep in a tent?"

Steve lets out a single bark of a laugh, then grabs Bucky by the arm and steers him into his quarters. Steve's all over him the second the door closes, trying to kiss months of missed time onto him.

"Whoa, easy big guy. Why don't we light a few lamps, kinda wanna see what I'm working with now," Bucky manages when he can get his mouth free. Steve makes a mildly annoyed noise at having to stop, but he obliges Bucky and lights the lamps in the room. It’s not a big room, and aside from the bed, only has a small table in it. But it has a door that locks, and is far enough away from the barracks that it looks like a damn utopia as far as Steve’s concerned right now.

“Jesus, I can’t believe it,” Bucky says, actually circling Steve. “Now your outsides match your insides.”

Steve smiles fondly. “Bucky, I’m the same kid from Brooklyn, you know that.”

“Except now you’re bigger than me, and stronger than me…”

Steve frowns. “Does it bother you? I guess I didn’t think-“

“Hell no it doesn’t bother me,” Bucky cuts in, shoving at Steve’s shoulder. Steve doesn’t move and Bucky actually off balances a bit. “Okay, well, maybe a little. Nah, just means you can finish your own fights now, doesn’t it?”

“Maybe I could have before. Guess we’ll never know since you couldn’t wait to jump in and take over.”

“Are we gonna bicker all night or are you gonna take off the star spangled nightmare and show me what that new body of yours looks like naked?” Bucky’s smirking and Steve has to kiss him. Just for a second. Just.

They’re both panting when Steve finally pulls away, starts getting undressed. The uniform has a lot of pieces and it’s frustrating Steve to no end how long this is taking.

“Hurry up, Rogers. I’m hard as a fucking rock.”

Steve can’t help but to glance and Bucky’s crotch, and yes. Yes he is. “Why don’t you get naked too, then?” Steve snarks.

“Cuz I don’t want my hot body distracting from yours. Serious, though. I really wanna get a good look at you first.”

He is serious, Steve can tell. Steve was never nervous to get naked in front of Bucky before, but now he is. When he really shouldn’t be. I mean, he’s been made to be the ideal soldier, what should be embarrassing about that? He crosses his arms over his chest as Bucky circles him again.

“Naked means without any clothes,” Bucky says, snapping the waistband of Steve’s underwear.

“Yeah, I…”

“You’ve got to be kidding me, did you get shy on me Rogers?” Bucky asks, and Steve can feel the blush heating his cheeks. “No shit. Well,” Bucky starts, laying a line of kisses from Steve’s earlobe to his shoulder, “that is just like you, to be completely ridiculous.”

“I - is it okay?” Steve asks. 

Bucky snorts against his skin. “Only you could be this dim.” Bucky moves so they’re face to face and kisses Steve gently. As he deepens the kiss, his hand lightly runs up the length of Steve’s very hard cock. Steve shudders.

“Has there been anyone else?” Bucky asks, trying to keep it neutral, keep the jealousy out, but Steve knows better.

“What?” He’s hurt, even. “Buck, there’s never been anyone but you.” Bucky grins. “How about… for you?”

Bucky looks incredulous, which is kind of hilarious considering how many girls he made time with before he and Steve settled into their rhythm. “Not that many choices out in these parts. And anyway, you’re about it for me, pal. Can’t think of anyone else. You’re all that’s here,” Bucky says, tapping his temple.

Bucky switches gears, and the mood that’s starting to make Steve’s heart hurt a little. Tugging on Steve’s underwear, he asks, “Did they make your dick any bigger? Cuz I’m not sure I could handle that, you always had more than you’d think a little guy should.”

Steve rolls his eyes but is smiling. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“Look at you, Stevie. Dirty talk, I like that.” Bucky tugs the underwear off Steve’s hips and palms his cock, still looking him in the eyes. “Christ, Steve. You feel good, feels right, ya know. I gotta…” he trails off. He slides down to his knees, actually nuzzles his face into Steve’s pubic hair. Steve shudders as Bucky’s breath ghosts over his sensitive skin. “Just for a minute, honest, then we can… then…”

Bucky licks a hot stripe up Steve’s erection and Steve muffles a moan behind his hand. They have more privacy than most but still need to be careful, can’t get caught. Bucky takes him in his mouth, all tongue and tight lips, slowly working himself lower with each push forward, until Steve thinks Bucky’s taken all of him down. Steve gasps, one hand cradling Bucky’s head.

Just for a minute turns into about ten, Steve can’t bear to make Bucky stop and Bucky really doesn’t seem to want to, but Steve needs more, more Bucky, more everything, and has to actually haul Bucky up under the armpits.

“Wish we had more time for this,” Bucky laments.

“I’ll be in your damn tent every night, don’t think I won’t. One hand over your mouth, the other-“ Bucky kisses him quiet, groaning into his mouth.

“Stop with the dirty talk or you’ll have me off before I’m even out of my clothes.”

“You always loved to exaggerate.”

Bucky looks weirdly serious. “I’m not. If I didn’t need to touch you so bad, I’d let you talk me off, and you could. Fuck. It’s been months, all I’ve thought about is this, is you. Only way I made it through this shit. I almost lost it with your dick in my mouth. I don’t think you get what you do to me, Steve. Christ.”

Steve has to kiss him, kisses him hard. Their teeth knock together and Bucky bites his lip a little. Steve moves his hand to rub him through his pants, squeezes the length of him, then frantically tears at his belt with one hand, the other pushed through Bucky’s hair.

Bucky helps, but pulls away to unlace and discard his boots, pull his shirt over his head. He looks like Steve remembers, if not a little leaner, and a few more scars. Steve rubs the pads of his thumbs over the raised pink lines on Bucky’s chest, feels like an idiot at the tears pricking his eyes.

“Hey. I’m fine. You got me out, remember?” Bucky tilts Steve’s chin so Steve is looking at him.

“It was close.” Steve’s voice wavers and he clears his throat.

“You and me, pal. We’re here. Together,” Bucky reassures him, rubbing his hands up and down Steve’s arms.

“Buck,” Steve starts, leaning in just to hold Bucky to him. “I - I want to. Tonight.”

Bucky pulls back, his expression unreadable. “You want to…”

Steve doesn’t know why he trails off, if he doesn’t know what Steve means or if he wants him to say it. “I want you to fuck me,” Steve whispers. He can feel Bucky shiver in his arms.

“You sure?” Bucky asks. Steve is glad they’re pressed together, unsure what Bucky’s face is doing but not sure he’d want to see, doesn’t want to know if he’s nervous or unsure or relieved because it took Steve forever to let him. Steve is so full of regret for not doing it sooner, feels like it almost slipped through his fingers, that Bucky almost slipped away.

“Do I feel unsure?” Steve shoots back, grinding forward into Bucky, eliciting a sharp intake of breath.

They pull apart and Steve entwines their fingers, pulls Bucky to the bed. Bucky slips off his underwear and stands at the bedside. He does look a little nervous. “How should we…” he trails off. 

Steve pulls a tin of vaseline from his rucksack, tossing it to Bucky. Bucky smirks. “Just in case?”

“Still gotta jerk off with something,” Steve comments, and he can see Bucky’s cock twitch at that.

“What did i say about the dirty talk?” He’s smiling though, and gets on the bed. lays down and pats the space next to him. “Come here already. I’m dying from this wait.”

Steve obliges, slides their bodies right next to each other. Bucky opens the tin, rubs some vaseline into his palm before dragging it up Steve’s length. Steve pushes into it, into the warmth and the callouses and the tight circle Bucky makes with his thumb and fingers. Bucky strokes him a few times, then tickles his fingers down over Steve’s balls, nudges his thighs apart.

“Ready?” Bucky asks, voice a little strained. Steve nods, can’t find his voice to say anything. Steve feels the press of Bucky’s finger against him, then it slides in. It goes easily, still feels a little weird. Bucky moves it slowly, in then out, in then out. “Is it okay?”

Steve nods again, rocking a little into it. “Yeah. Yeah, feels good.”

Bucky looks pleased with himself, keeps slowly fucking Steve with his finger. He pulls out for a second, which feels even weirder, but it’s just to scoop vaseline onto two fingertips. He looks to Steve for permission and Steve nods so hard he feels like his head might roll off. His cock is leaking on his belly and Bucky leans in to lap it away. Steve has to muffle a moan into his forearm.

Two fingers is very different for some reason. Steve feels more discomfort, and a stretch. Bucky’s brow is furrowed, he can tell it’s more difficult. “Want me to stop?”

“Not on your fucking life, Barnes. I swear to God,” Steve threatens. Bucky chuckles. “Just. Go slow. Give me a minute, I think it’ll get good again.”

Bucky nods, leans forward and licks Steve’s dick against his belly. Steve whines a little at that and Bucky keeps licking him, sucks the head into his mouth, works his fingers in then out. Steve can feel his body relaxing to the intrusion, loses himself a little in Bucky’s mouth.

Steve gasps suddenly and Bucky freezes. “What? Did I hurt you?”

“No,” Steve pants. Do that again.”

“What? Do what again?” Bucky asks frantically.

“With your fingers, Bucky. That spot, it felt crazy.”

“Good crazy?” Bucky asks. His answer is a shudder and a moan as he presses the same spot. Steve’s hands are clenched in the sheets. “What is it?”

“Fuck, dunno. Feels so good, Buck. I’m ready, I want-“

“Slow down, fella,” Bucky chides. “I’m not rushing this. Won’t hurt you. Besides, this is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, shit, ever done. I’m taking my time.”

Steve glares. “I need you to, I want-“

“Two way street. Sorry pal. I’m taking my sweet time, gonna pull you apart Stevie.” Steve pulls him into a kiss, needy and rough. Bucky presses a third finger in. Steve stills, lips still on Bucky’s mouth. “Still with me?”

Steve breathes slowly. “Yeah. Just gotta get used to it.”

“Well you better, cuz my cock’s about this big and I ain’t hurting you. Slow and steady, right?” Bucky soothes. Steve nods, tries to relax. “I’m gonna slide right in, fill you right up after this. Gonna find that spot, you’ll see so many stars you’ll think the universe is in your head.”

The dirty talk loosens him up a little, has him inching his way down onto Bucky’s hand. Bucky uses the other to stroke him slowly, thumbing the pre-come over the head of his cock.

“You gotta be nice and close, Stevie. I won’t be able to hold out, I’m sorry. I wish I could for you, but I’m wound too damn tight with his, I won’t last long and I want you to come when I’m inside you.”

Steve moans again, pushing up into Bucky’s fist and down onto his fingers.

“Fuck, I could probably come just from this. You look so fucking hot. I’m so hard, Steve, I feel like I’m gonna die if I don’t get off soon, but I’m gonna wait til you’re ready for me. I’m gonna wait-“

“Now, fuck, please. Do it now. I wanna come so bad, Buck, please.”

He could hear the desperation in his own voice, but didn’t care. Steve needed this, like he’d always needed Bucky. Bucky eased his fingers out, slicked his straining erection. Bucky knelt between Steve’s spread thighs and Steve reached down, pressed Bucky against him.

Bucky pushed in easily, slowly moving forward. Steve held his breath, stretched but still adjusting to this new intrusion. Bucky bottomed out and braced his arms on either side of Steve. His head fell forward and he worked to steady his breathing.

“Buck?”

“Jesus, you’re so tight, it’s fucking incredible. Sorry, I just. I need to calm down is all,” Bucky said, raising his head enough to look Steve in the eye.

“I can wait a little longer. Waited long enough already,” Steve replied quietly, smiling up at Bucky. Bucky smiled back.

“God I love you,” Bucky said.

Steve blinked up and him. Bucky’s smile melted, panic starting to creep across his face. They’d never said it before. Steve didn’t know why, maybe they were too scared to admit what they meant to each other. Maybe Steve didn’t wanna scare Bucky away by saying it, even though he felt it every day, every time he looked at Bucky.

“I - I shouldn’t have-“ Bucky started.

“I love you too. Be an idiot if you didn’t know that by now.” Bucky’s face looked the happiest Steve had ever seen it, bright and free. “I’d love you more if you’d move, jesus, please. I’m dying here Bucky.”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh, but it faded into a sharp hiss when he moved his hips. “I don’t know what I thought this would feel like,” he managed around his panting.

“You been with dames, can’t be much-“

“Jesus it is. Different. Shit, feels so good Stevie,” Bucky rambled, picking up the pace a little. Steve groaned and tried to adjust to get Bucky deeper. He felt slick and open and his nerves were singing, felt over sensitive and fiery. If he could angle his hips a little more, Bucky would hit that spot again, would-

“Oh my god!” Steve said, a little too loud. Bucky pressed his flat palm over Steve’s mouth.

“There?” he asked, pressing in just so. Steve nodded frantically under his hand. “Can you come like this? Shit, I’m getting so close, Steve, I don’t know how much longer-“ He pulled his hand away from Steve’s mouth to kiss him, still pressing in, the sound of their skin slapping together filling the room.

“Touch me,” Steve whispered when they broke apart. Bucky looked destroyed, sweaty and red and fighting to hold out for Steve. “I’m so close, Buck. Just touch me, I’ll come for you, I know it, just like this.”

Bucky trembled with the effort of hanging on, but managed to push himself up enough to get his hand between them. Steve’s cock was slicked at the tip and Bucky worked the wetness down over him, back up. Started jacking him fast, and Steve arched and covered him mouth with his hand, obscenities muffled as he shot hot and wet up his belly, his chest over Bucky’s knuckles.

He could feel his body clenching around Bucky, whose rhythm faltered and he fell forward, hands bracketing Steve, and he ground deep and shuddered into him. His hair fell in his eyes as his head hung forward, mouth next to Steve’s ear.

“Oh fuck,” he groaned, then whispered, “God damn, Steve, fuck, I’ve never come this hard, shit, can’t stop, can’t, oh christ.” He rocked hard against Steve through his orgasm, falling down onto his elbows, shaking then collapsing into Steve’s chest.

“You’re a mess,” he mumbled. 

Steve snorted. “Your fault.”

“And I’d do it again in a heartbeat. If I could. Might take more than a heartbeat for round two,” Bucky amended. He propped himself up, licking a streak of come off Steve’s pec, making Steve shiver.

“What you do to me, I swear,” Steve said in awe.

Bucky pulled out slowly, the sensation making Steve’s stomach drop. “You okay?” Bucky asked at his slight grimace.

“Yeah. Feels weird, that part,” he admitted. Bucky kissed him lazily, and then a little filthy.

“Thanks for letting me.”

“Hey,” Steve chastised. “It’s not like that and you know it. I wanted you to.”

Bucky shrugs. “All the same, glad we finally did.”

Steve feels a little guilty then, and it must show, because Bucky makes a questioning face. “I guess I should have let you before, I just-“

“Whoa pal, you don’t need to explain yourself to me. It doesn’t matter, right? Still got to.”

“Almost didn’t,” Steve murmurs. Bucky looks at him like he’s 90 pounds again, maybe it’s pity? He doesn’t like it, and he doesn’t want to get melancholy and ruin this. He decides to tell Bucky. “I thought that if we didn’t, and something happened to you, it wouldn’t hurt as much.”

“Mmm,” Bucky replies, urging Steve to go on, because he knows there’s more. He knows Steve.

“But when I thought you were dead… I’d never felt so empty. It didn’t matter what we’d done or not, I felt like I died, too.”

Bucky uses his thumb to wipe a tear off his lashes, doesn’t even care that Steve sees. “I’d feel the same way, Stevie. You know I would.”

“We’re both here though,” Steve says, trying to make Bucky smile. It works, even if it’s just a little grin. “We got a second chance, and I’m not wasting it.”

Bucky quirks an eyebrow. “Does that mean I get to fuck you again in the morning?”

“Only if you wanna wait that long,” Steve smirks, full on laughs at the look on Bucky’s face.

“Oh, it’s on, Rogers. Wake me up in two hours, your ass is mine!” Bucky says, and Steve laughs too. And wakes Bucky up two hours later, head under the covers and his mouth hot on Bucky’s skin.


End file.
